Definitely Not What I Expected

Friday, my girlfriend and I went to an orientation session at the Community College of Denver. The orientation was long and grueling, exacted in the lovely heat of downtown Denver. After the whole ordeal, we got back in the car and kind of looked at each other. We both decided at that moment that we weren't going to attend CCD. She just didn't think it was the school for her and opted for another. I just knew I didn't really feel the pull from CCD like I have with other things in my life. I didn't completely understand why not. No, it wasn't the best campus out there by any means but it wasn't horrible either. The more I thought about it, the more the truth began to become evident.

I wasn't going to college.

I didn't know how I felt about that. I didn't know how I felt about realizing that I wasn't going to go. I think the worst part was that it wasn't entirely by my choice. I've always disliked things that were outside my control and were determined by someone or something else. But the situation had changed so much for me from the time that I began my schooling trek that I could no longer follow my expected path. My original plan of leaving to New Mexico to get an apartment and go to school down there fell through rather quickly. Then I was going to go to Mesa State until I found that I'd have to borrow almost $10,000 a year for four years to go. So I was going to go to CCD and then BAM! nope. I'm now living in a trailer on my parents' and grandparents' lawn since they all moved in together to save money. I have a car and a job, but neither work well enough to get me out of this situation. My goal has now become to get out on my own and get my own place. I have high hopes for that but I know it'll take a while. I know I'll need support from people while I fight for it. I'm sure my parents and grandparents will be happy to have me off their back, no matter how much they love me. I'm hoping that getting my own place will also have good effects on my relationship with my girlfriend but not exactly sure how all that could play out. But the river of life travels in interesting ways. And now it's moving and I have to flow along with it or drown in the tide.