Flow

One of my biggest challenges in my life these days is letting go of my expectations and ideas of what my life will be like. I know that things will flow in the direction they are meant to and I can only control my response to the twists and turns the river of life brings. And it seems like a lot of twists and turns are coming this year. I've hit a few snags and I can say that I'm sure I've almost tipped my little craft once or twice. I've made decisions, remade them, looked at them again, planned a little, and then changed them again. A lot of the time, even though I don't like to think of myself as someone that values other people's opinions too much, these changes are a reflection of varying opinions of those close to me. And I get so wrapped up in trying to find a solution that I stop listening to my feelings, my thoughts, my ideas. I stop listening to what I want and need. I'm so blinded by the quest of solution that I fail to see the solution right in front of my own eyes.

I just recently posted a blog talking about not going to college. After having a very frank conversation with my best and closest friend, I have re-evaluated that decision. I know that I can't stay here where I am. But if I go to Mesa State University in Grand Junction I can live on campus and accomplish two goals at once. I can get out of here and I can go to school. I don't want to become stagnant in my own life. I've done that before and it sucks beyond all measure. To my best friend and most important person in my life, thank you. I know I've said it already but I'll say it as many times as it takes for me to feel like I've truly thanked you for everything you do for me. You push me to be everything that I can be and you have faith in me when my own faith falters. The scariest thing about moving on to college and changing my life again is the thought of losing you. I'm worried about so many things that I know are so foolish. I fight so hard to keep hold of my ideals of the world that I forget to just let go and flow with the tide. I know that if we are meant to be this way, we will remain so as long as we're meant. It's admittedly hard for me to fully embrace because it means giving up what little control I feel I have on keeping you where I want you. You push me to grow because you force me to face the things that I fear most. You challenge me to face these fears and to conquer them, to accept them. And most importantly, to move forward no matter the obstacle. I'll never forget the day we met, among so many other memories I have with you. These are the strengths I use to carry me forward. The memories of you, of my friends, of my family. All these happy moments in my life, where I truly felt bliss. This is the strength I need to move forward. I'm scared of what the future may hold and my place in it. I know and am intimidated by the lack of control I face. But I know that I am never alone. I have my friends, my family. And right now, I have you, my best friend. You are the catalyst for the greatness I'm supposed to be, you show me that I can only find that person by becoming him. So to you, to my friends, to my family, thank you all so much. Your support means the world to me and I'll forever be there for you. To the next step forward, and to the stumbles along the way I raise my glass.

Definitely Not What I Expected

Friday, my girlfriend and I went to an orientation session at the Community College of Denver. The orientation was long and grueling, exacted in the lovely heat of downtown Denver. After the whole ordeal, we got back in the car and kind of looked at each other. We both decided at that moment that we weren't going to attend CCD. She just didn't think it was the school for her and opted for another. I just knew I didn't really feel the pull from CCD like I have with other things in my life. I didn't completely understand why not. No, it wasn't the best campus out there by any means but it wasn't horrible either. The more I thought about it, the more the truth began to become evident.

I wasn't going to college.

I didn't know how I felt about that. I didn't know how I felt about realizing that I wasn't going to go. I think the worst part was that it wasn't entirely by my choice. I've always disliked things that were outside my control and were determined by someone or something else. But the situation had changed so much for me from the time that I began my schooling trek that I could no longer follow my expected path. My original plan of leaving to New Mexico to get an apartment and go to school down there fell through rather quickly. Then I was going to go to Mesa State until I found that I'd have to borrow almost $10,000 a year for four years to go. So I was going to go to CCD and then BAM! nope. I'm now living in a trailer on my parents' and grandparents' lawn since they all moved in together to save money. I have a car and a job, but neither work well enough to get me out of this situation. My goal has now become to get out on my own and get my own place. I have high hopes for that but I know it'll take a while. I know I'll need support from people while I fight for it. I'm sure my parents and grandparents will be happy to have me off their back, no matter how much they love me. I'm hoping that getting my own place will also have good effects on my relationship with my girlfriend but not exactly sure how all that could play out. But the river of life travels in interesting ways. And now it's moving and I have to flow along with it or drown in the tide.

Making Your Own Path

What does this phrase mean? We hear it all the time from our parents, our teachers, our mentors. "Make your own path in life, do what's right for you." But what do they mean really? They couldn't possibly mean do whatever it takes to make you happy, regardless of the consequences. That imparts both selfishness and irresponsibility, two traits characterizing the exact antithesis of mentoring and guiding someone. So what do they mean? I don't believe in destiny, so making your own path strikes a ringing chord with me. My life is governed by my actions and the consequences therein. I write my own story, I hold the pen. There is no set path that I have to follow, no ultimate fate. Now, that could just be in part due to the personal belief that if I do in fact possess free will---which I believe I do---then no being, supreme or otherwise, can control my life. There is no such thing as fate when a being possess free will for the basic fact that one can simply say, "no, I reject your path". So making your own path must entitle making your own choices, being in control of your life. Because of this, making your own path is accompanied by a vast amount of personal responsibility. We cannot truly be in control of our own lives, cannot truly carve our own path if we do not take responsibility for our actions and the effects they have on the world around us. With action comes consequence; with choice comes responsibility.
So how do we do what's right for us? I guess that depends on what we believe as well. Although I don't believe in destiny, I do believe in purpose. We are not just a random jumble of cells, a mutation in the genetic helix. We all have a purpose in life. For some, it is to lead. For some, it is create. I believe my purpose is to provide a helping hand to those I encounter on my path. To help them grow as a person, to "be all they can be". But how far does this hand reach? Does it stop when a fork in the road appears? And what do I do at the fork? One path is to do what's right for me, one path is to do what's right for them. But they are not labeled. Are they the same path? How do I know which path is for me? I must make a choice when I am bound so strongly to another. Where do our paths separate, if at all? How do you know when two roads are parallel in their flight for the future? How to proceed forward when there are no regrets for the past, but no certainty for the future? Alas, but how pleasant it seems sometimes to have a choice made for you. Unfortunately, life is not structured that way for we all must choose our own ways.

How do you explain what you should never have been able to feel?

Advanced Creative Writing Post #9: Final Topic; Philosophy of Life

This is my final blog post for my Advanced Creative Writing class. I have done eight posts so far on various topics and only the fairy tale one is unfinished. I will finish that one as soon as I can though.
This post's topic is my Philosophy of Life, particulary my life. I have to answer these questions:

What is the meaning and purpose of my life?

What are my values and principles?

What are my goals in life: personal? Professional? Academic?

What are the areas of my life that are consistent and inconsistent?

What are my responsibilities (if any): to a supreme being? To humankind? To other individuals? To myself?

Life is a strange thing. It has many twists and turns; you never know where you will end up next. Now, I don't believe in fate or destiny, but I also don't believe in coincidences. I know that can sound a little contradictory but just hear me out. I believe that there is a general path for my life to follow that will lead me to be the best person I can possibly be. This path has many branching points that are based on my choices in life. Based on my decisions, things will be brought in or out of my life in the time that will help me to most grow. So what does it mean to be the best person I can be? I believe I am meant to be a helper, a friend. My purpose is to help any and all people that I come into contact with and to make them a better person. It doesn't always work, but I continue to believe this regardless. I am happy to say that most of the people I know would say they are better for meeting me, if only slightly. And it's hard being a "good" person sometimes. It can be hard because one of the hardest balances to achieve is the balance between looking out for what others want/need and looking out for what I want/need. I can't do a very good job of helping others if I can't take care of myself, now can I? So I have to make sure that ultimately my decisions are in my best interests as well. I strive very hard to be an honest man too. Honesty and integrity are two things you cannot be born with and two things that seem to be very hard to come by in today's world. I think that's a crying shame. If everyone was honest and had integrity, we wouldn't have a lot of the problems we have today. Truth promotes growth. I always try to give people the benefit of the doubt too. It can be really hard to maintain that faith in people, especially after they've caused you hurt and heartache, but it's important to believe in them and their inherent goodness. As long as someone believes in them, there is still a chance that they can become that good person they are meant to be. My biggest goal in life is to always improve and always become better, and to leave this world with a positive impact. This consequently leads to my biggest fear of not doing that. But fear can be useful if you don't let it harm or hinder you. You can use it to boost your defiance of it and achieve in spite of it. On a more personal level, I want to find somebody in my life that will return that love to me. Someone that I can turn to at the end of the day and rest my weary head on. I aspire to find that person and live a fulfilled, happy life of really experiencing love and joy.

On a more professional note, I would like to become a teacher. It's been a dream of mine since I was young. I've always been that classmate who helps everyone, who is asked questions by his peers to explain what the teacher couldn't get across. I enjoy helping people out and teaching them new things. I want to continue doing that and become a teacher, hopefully a high-school English teacher, but I'm not going to close my mind to other possibilities. Becoming a teacher will even help me with my goal of being a life-long learner. I plan to go to school until I receive the highest degree I can, but I will always be looking in new directions for something to learn. There is no way that I could learn everything in my lifetime, so I know there will always be something new and intriguing just around the bend.

One of the biggest struggles in leading such a life is recognizing what I can and cannot change, what is and is not under my control. Who I meet is outside of my control. I don't know who I will run into or why they entered my life. How I treat and interact with these people is something I have control over. I can be the best influence on them I can be and hopefully it will inspire them to lead a better life. My general direction in my life is my choice, but the exact twists and bends are outside of my control. This is why I will always try to make the best out of the situation I am given. I cannot control how other people react, only how I react and what actions I take. You can only control the R, as my mother always tells me.

Living up to these expectations of myself can be rather daunting at times, but it's all a part of being a human being. I don't really believe in a supreme power, more of just a guiding force that pushes all to be the best we can for everyone. I believe I am responsible for my impact on humanity, so I need to make it a positive one. I alone control who I will be and so I alone resolve to make my life for the good of all or for simply the good of my own selfish fulfillment of the moment. I think that if everyone lived for everyone, themselves included though, the world we be better and safer. You read in books all the time that involve the future races united as a whole, except humans. We still fight each other and try to conquer one another. But we can resolve that nature and be better if we strive to live for the betterment of all of us. We are responsible for the actions we take in this life, not some unseen power. We have the power of choice. So let's use it for good, let's use it to truly be the best we can be.

Advanced Creative Writing Post #8: Marchen Fairy Tale (Part 1)

The goal for this post is to write a fairy tale that follows both the style of the Hero's Journey and the German fairy tale style of the Marchen. The Hero's Journey has already been described in a previous entry so I won't go into that.

The definition of the Marchen is as follows: "A favorite narrative form in German Romanticism. The term includes but has a wider range than the English fairy tale. It can refer to the Volksmarchen ("folktale"), such as those collected by the Brothers Grimm, or to tales written in the folk style. The action is generally intense, the atmosphere is abstract, and the setting is removed from time and space. The key figure is frequently a hero who must go on a journey, during which he is put through tests and encounters various forms of evil. Generally, his tasks are three in number; symbolic numbers, superstition, supernatural creatures, and forms of magic are all important devices. In the end, the hero succeeds at his given tasks and is well rewarded, while his evil opponents are severely or fatally punished. The term Marchen can also refer to the deeply philosophical, allegorical form of the Kunstmarchen ("art tale"), the definitive example of which is Goethe's Das Marchen. Novalis, Brentano, and E.T.A. Hoffman also employed this form for different effects."

So...let the story begin.

The Celestial Fairies were once a peaceful and beautiful race. They lived in the Elderworld, the land of the Myths and Legends. The Fairies traversed the two realms freely, bringing serenity and blessings to those they encountered. They lived off the love, desire, and adoration of the people of the mortal realm, their everlasting beauty sustained by it. Very few were fortunate enough to have their love returned, for few Fairies found mortals worthy of their love. And only a fool would turn down the bliss such a union would bring. Decades ago, the Queen Fairy traveled to the mortal realm. There she met a handsome and charming prince, soon to be king of much of the mortal realm. The Prince showed the Queen Fairy much love and adoration, showering her with every gift his wealth could afford. She began to return his affections, his love. Her presence at his side was a powerful political tool, bringing many to believe him worthy of the throne. Soon, the time came for his anointment. As he was presented the royal crown, the Queen Fairy professed her love to him and requested he be spirited away with her to the Elderworld to live forever...as King of the Fairies. Never had such an offer been proposed. The Prince merely laughed and placed the crown upon his head. He confessed that he never really loved the Queen Fairy, instead only using her to gain the power he needed to obtain kingship. Angered at being scorned and used, she vowed vengeance against the new King. She threatened to tear his empire from his grip and make him suffer an eternal agony no man had known before. She fled from the palace, retreating into the Elderworld with her fairy people in tow. Using her power she sealed the bonds between the realms, vowing that when the Fairies returned the King would sooner offer his own life to stop the destruction they wrought upon his realm. The King merely laughed and took his place upon the throne, pronouncing to the kingdom that the fairies would never triumph over their armies.

Four decades passed and the realm flourished under the King's direction. Not a single war was lost and the army was ten-thousand strong. On the eve of the King's coronation anniversary, the sky began to darken. Black clouds twisted and churned in the sky, boiling over the landscape. By nightfall, the land was completely covered, thrown into a blackness that snuffed the very light from the sun. Only a hazy light shown through the heavy clouds. Torches across the palace were lit hurriedly. Torchlight bathed the royal hall, chasing the shadows into the corners. The King sat upon his throne, addressing his army's general.

"How far do the clouds spread?"

"An immense darkness has covered the land, milord. It seems we have received the full year's foul weather heaped upon us at once. The torches are lit across the palace grounds and the guardsmen are at the ready should bandits attempt a raid under the guise of night."

"Good good, though I do not expect any raids. The kingdom has been at peace far too long for worry for such an attack."

All the torch lights in the royal hall sputtered and died. The startled guardsmen drew their swords. The General swiveled to face the doors, protecting the King behind his large frame. Although the windows were shut, a strong wind swept through the hall. A soft blue light began to glow in the middle of the darkened room. All the guards faced the center of the room, trying to locate the source of the light. The air under the light began to shimmer and waver. And then She was standing in the center of the hall, her beauty both magnificent and terrifying. Her aura radiated blue, her skin glistening with shimmers of light. She began to glide slowly across the palace floor towards the General. She came to a halt several feet from the General.

“I cannot let you harm my king, a lady though you may be,” said the General, bringing his sword up in front of him.

“Harm him?” Her voice was sweet as honey. “No, I merely bring the old fool a message from a dear old friend.”

The King placed his hand on the General’s shoulder and signaled him to step aside. He met Her gaze and a sorrowful smile crept across his wizened features.

“I was wondering when you would return, fair lady. It has been many a year since I saw or heard from your people. I suppose the time has finally come for my penance to be paid for the wrongs I did you. Come then.”

She let out a harsh laugh that didn’t fit her features. “As I said so many years ago, you will wish that I would take your life. Now you will truly suffer for your crime against me. And I will start with your daughter!”

She whirled around and the doors to the palace blew open. Two fairies glided into the room, a writhing Princess between them. Her struggles did not seem to have any effect on the fairies’ hold. The glided to the center of the palace, stopping under the blue glow.

“My daughter?! Let her go, please. Your quarrel is with me, my daughter has done you no wrong,” the King said.

“She is but a tool against her fool father,” She snarled. “She will stay with my people and me in Elderworld to make sure you do as I say. Unless you want ill to befall her, you will do exactly as I tell you.”

“What is it that you want? I will do anything, just let my daughter go,” the King pleaded.

“You will destroy your own kingdom, the one you used me to obtain. I want to see the palace lay to waste and your people scattered and rejected as mine were. I want you to make your people loathe you, so you will feel the rejection I felt at your hands.”

“I cannot make my people suffer for my wrong-doings. I will give up the throne and leave my people, but I cannot destroy their homes and lives.”

“Then you will never have your daughter back.”

She turned to leave. The General stepped in front of her.

“I cannot allow you to threaten milord or his daughter this way. I have sworn to protect them and that is what I intend to do. Release her or suffer at the hands of my blade.” The General pointed his sword at Her, hand steady.

“Fool, you would die for him?”

“Yes.”

“As you wish.” She reached a hand out and touched the end of this sword with the tip of a finger. Both sword and General began to glow a bright violet, pain distorted the General’s face. Before he could scream, he erupted into a shower of violet lights. She turned to face the King. A twisted smile crossed her lips and then the fairies were gone in a flash of blue light.

Advanced Creative Writing Post #7: Perspective's Effect On Reality

What is one of the greatest examples of perspective's effect on reality? We see and hear it all around us. We study it in school. History: the tale of days long past. Although we take most of this as authority-given information that must be true, we are really basing our beliefs off the perspective of one person or faction in history. After all, it is called history. History is known for being the victor's word, the story from the winning side.

Take for instance the American Revolution. The great battle for freedom of the philanthropic American colonists from the oppressive British regime, right? Not necessarily. Who do we get this information from? Why, the Americans of course. The great "freedom fighters". In this tale, the epic hero is the great land of America and the big bad witch is the evil suppressor of Britain. But don't you think this is a little one-sided? Doesn't it strike you as strange that only Britain is represented in a bad light? There's no way that Britain only did horrible things and not a drop of good, or vice versa for America. So what about Britain's side of the story? I recently read an article describing the ordeal from Britain's perspective. So, what's the difference between the two stories? A surprising amount, actually. Turns out the great "freedom fighters" were nothing more than smugglers and terrorists. The reason behind the American Revolution: Britain's desire to stop the bribery and smuggling in the American colonies that was bankrupting both the colonies and Great Britain itself. But the leaders of the revolution, the founding fathers of modern-day America, didn't want to relinquish their hold on the colonies. Ever wonder why the start of the war is because of some shots at Lexington? There are no confirmed accounts of firing from the British militiamen there. Another fine detail that history seems to have left out.

So what's the point here? Perspective has a profound effect on the world we see. Every piece of information is subject to bias, no matter where it comes from. History is especially vulnerable to the effects of bias. No one currently reading history textbooks was alive during the fall of the Roman Empire or when the Aztecs vanished. There are no "credible" witnesses from both sides to retell the story. So we take it on word-of-mouth essentially that is written in those textbooks is what really happened. We can never really be sure, but we should always be on the lookout for both sides of the story. If one side is missing, we have to ask: why? Where did it run off to? Or better yet, who's trying to change the facts? Whenever we are making decisions on events, modern or historical, we must remember that there are always two sides to every coin, two sides to every tale. If you're only seeing the Heads side, it's time to question the magician.

To read the above mentioned article, follow this link: http://www.redcoat.me.uk/

Advanced Creative Writing Post #6: The Hero's Journey

In Irelan's AP Literature class, we were going over what a quest type of story is. The most common type of quest story is the Hero's Journey. So, we decided to tie that into my creative writing and make that my topic this week.


The Hero's Journey has many steps, but can broken down into three distinct phases: the Departure, the Initiation, and the Return.

The Departure begins with the Hero's call to adventure. This is usually some sign given to the hero that everything is going to change. This is usually followed by the refusal of the call, or at least the refusal to believe that it is happening. For example, in The Lord of the Rings, Frodo is told by Gandalf when he finds the ring that he must take it to Mount Doom and destroy it. Frodo refuses to believe that he is in danger until the Wraiths attack them. The next stage of the quest is the appearance of supernatural aid. The purpose of this guide is to help the Hero transcend into adventure. After the supernatural aid comes the Crossing of the First Threshold. This is the true beginning of the journey for the Hero. This is the first experience in the other world. Going back to the Lord of the Rings, this is when Frodo and Gandalf meet with the others to create the Fellowship. The last piece in the first Departure is referred to as the Belly of the Whale. In this stage, the Hero has become fully submerged in the adventure. Their old life is left behind and their new life begins. This is usually symbolized by something dark, unknown, and frightening. This is the transition for the Hero in becoming their new self. In LOTR, I think this is when the Fellowship fights the Orcs and Boromir dies.

The second phase of the Hero's Journey is the Initiation. The second phase revolves around the Hero's trials and transformation into the new self that will ensure the Hero comes out, well a Hero at the end. The phase begins with The Road of Trials. This is usually a series of tests, most of the which the Hero often fails. The next step of the journey is the Meeting with the Goddess. This is where the Hero finds him- or herself through an all-powerful love. This is usually when the Hero sees him- or herself as non-dualistic. There is no longer an old self and a new self, only the Hero as a whole. After the Goddess comes the Woman as the Temptress. This portion of the journey is where the Hero is tempted to stray from his journey. As with the Goddess, this does not necessarily have to be woman. However, woman is a metaphor for the phyiscal or material temptations of life, since the hero-knight was often tempted by lust to abandon his spiritual journey. After temptation comes atonement. The hero atones with the highest authority, usually a father-figure. All of the steps in the journey before this lead up to it and all the steps after it move forward from this point. This step usually involves the "death" of the hero's old self and a grand transformation into the Hero figure. In LOTR, the "death" of Gandalf the Grey and the transformation into Gandalf the White is arguably an example of this. The next step, depending on the story, either becomes the transformation of the Hero from the mortal plane into a deity-like state, or simply the peace before the Hero's return from their destination. The last step is known as the Ultimate Boon.

The last phase of the journey is The Return. The first thing the Hero usually does is refuse the return. After all, after having achieved so much and dined with the deities and gods, why return to the world of mortals? If the Boon had to be taken from the gods, the Hero must escape with it, making up the next step of the journey, called the Magic Flight. The next step incurs supernatural aid. Just as the Hero needed assistance to get this far, help is usually required on the return trip as well. After this comes the Crossing of the Return Threshold, wherein the Hero must integrate the wisdom gained on the journey into their normal lives. The Hero then becomes the Master of Two Worlds. This is the Hero becoming comfortable and competent in both the inner and outer worlds. The last and final step of the journey is the Freedom to Live. The Hero is no longer fearful of death and is therefore free to live. This usually consists of the Hero neither anticipating the future nor regretting the past.